Sept 11 – Fear (re-edited)

In fear (whose mere revelation cannot fully dispel its influence over one’s life) that I will become too delusionally and erroneously self-aware of and willful toward the apparent hows and whys and ways of my work has hitherto been the driving factor of the truncation of my every gesture of and to the first person singular form of expression; an awareness that would concretize as only self-consciousness can, the inevitability of self-misappropriation and misunderstanding into the living stone of its lifeless page; such foolishness that would eventually be seized upon by every undiscerning reader who may ever peruse this strange and elusive text; those readers who would abuse and misuse the unconscious spirit of its obscure intent which was destroyed the moment “I” grasped truly who “I” was and most probably “am,” never mind my enduring neglect and denial of whatever or whoever that might be.